I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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