I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
