the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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