I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize