I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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