College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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