put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
