I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
