I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
