We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I fill condoms, not promises.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
