I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize