"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
