Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
