don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
