Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
