Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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