My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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