very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
