i permit you to call me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
