If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
