That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
