I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
