so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Semen is not good for contacts.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
