I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
