you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
