I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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