I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
