i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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