Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
