My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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