I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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