she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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