we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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