He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
