I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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