Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
