don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
