The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
