just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize