My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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