dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
