do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
