Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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