Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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