what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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