I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
