I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
