i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
