his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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