dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
