Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
