lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
