Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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