listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
