toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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