She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
