The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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