i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
