how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
