rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
