He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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