obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
