remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize