sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
