I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
