this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Damn victory sex feels great
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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