dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
