after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
