So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
