I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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