shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
